My Journey To The Stage As A First Time Bikini Competitor

As you can see, it hasn't taken very long to realize I need to start journaling to distract my mind from negative interference. I quickly ran to this blog, knowing it needed an update, as well as providing the ability to share the next 10 months with those who are invested. So lets get to it. Why the heck am I doing this?

Most of you who know me, are aware that I have been obsessed with my health and fitness goals for as long as I can remember. I started with signing up for challenges, and before I knew it I was hosting those challenges. I always felt lost without some sort of competition and really thrived in them.

Finally in 2020, I jumped at the opportunity to have a personal coach. I really wanted to push myself harder before my wedding, as if I were preparing to step on stage. Around this time, coaches weren't common unless you were competing and BOY did she treat me like so. This was my first experience with a meal plan and having a coach you were terrified of. I killed it.

I ended up getting pregnant and taking the pregnancy off, but as soon as I was able I ran right back to the coached life! This coach was the BEST, but I didn't feel challenged enough. I kept saying "I want to be coached like I am on prep, without going on stage!". She did get me back to prepregnancy weight, though!

I suffered with severe body dysmorphia due to loose skin and oversized breast implants. In January 2022 I underwent a modified tummy tuck (skin removal only) and explant. I had hopes that this surgery would bring contentment.

Obviously, my passion for transformation didn't die there. Once ready, I found ANOTHER coach; one that was terrifying enough to push me past my limits. This coach just so happened to be an IFBB pro and coaches with one of the best teams in the world. The more I witnessed her athletes transformations, the more I felt inspired and envious! However, I always said, "I am way too hard on myself to compete with anyone else."

In 2023 I started my own coaching business.

Doing so brought on a level of confidence as soon as I realized I had a passion that most people cannot sustain. It also brought a support system I never imagined I could ever have. These two things were my motivators; CONFIDENCE and SUPPORT. I decided to buy tickets for a bikini/wellness competition to see if it was for me. I remember leaving there deciding NO WAY. I felt confident in my physique, yet surprisingly intimidated by posing and standing on stage in a bikini in front of my husband and strangers. Next thing I knew, I was losing sleep over it. I was obsessing. I decided to bring it up to my husband thinking he would quickly shoot it down and instead he said he supports me. ( I will follow up because he may regret that in a few months!) I have such an advantage being in the masters class, novice and having the best team in the world. I will 1000% regret not checking this off my bucket list. So here we are, 10 months out. Day 2 and I am already asking myself what the heck did I sign up for?! And WHY 10 MONTHS OUT!?

When I logged in to start this blog post, I saw the title of my first ever blog a year ago: "Expected failure + Fear of failure= failure". GOOSEBUMPS. Every time I settle on that fear. the doubt starts to spiral. Looks like I am writing that equation on my mirror and MANIFESTING it!

I WILL NOT FAIL! -but I will check in soon to whine some ;)